published: 27 Feb 2020
Presented by: Gareth Jones Sarah Leach & Richard Porter
#384 DAS, LMDh and Holden. We explore Mercedes’ dual axis steering system. Is the hypercar endurance class dead before it starts? We bid farewell to Australia’s native car brand. Sniff Petrol on coronavirus and music from Oldie Rottin’ Timing Chain.
Oldie Rottin' Timing Chain - Welsh F1 Driver
I loves F1 it’s the sport for me
If I had the cash
I’d be at a Grand Prix
They’ve got gourmet burgers
Cooked in grease
And a Newport favourite
Chips and cheese.
I got the perfect rain-wear, I only paid a fiver
It’s a scuba suit I bought from a deep sea diver
So when it chucks it down at Slverstone I’ll be a surviver
All we need now is a Welsh F1 driver.
A driver, a driver, a Welsh F1 driver
We need a Welsh F1 driver.
We need a boy in the car who comes from Wales
Not a fat Cardiff lad though
He’d probably bust the scales
He’d have a lovely helmet
Shiny and red
And be hornier than James Hunt
Welsh see, great in bed.
We wouldn’t just sing the anthem at the end
If our driver scored an ace
We’d drive you round the bend
Singin’ “Hen Wlad F’yn Hadau”
‘Till we’re red in the face
It’s all about winning like the Chair in the Eisteddfod
Sitting in first place.
All through the race
We are Welsh, we’d be singing
“All through the race”.
Saxons couldn’t shout us down
No point in tryin’
50,000 English vs 50 Welsh boys crying.
Motorsport is dangerous
It says so on my ticket
But it’s safer here than the slips at Lord’s
On the bloody wicket
Yes your balls are had when you come from Splott
But it’s a lethal game cricket.
Mind you it’s only half the price
Of a Silverstone F1 ticket.
I’ve got no fear about carbon fibres
Hitting me in the head
Coz I’ve been in a scrum in Pontypool
And took a Swanea girl to bed
I'm telling you this sport‘s safe for spectators
I know it's true
F1 cars don’t kill people, crashes do.
We’ve had a Welshman in F1 before
He was a north Walian feller (Tom Pryce)
But the lad we've got in mind this time's
Like Senna man he's Stella
He's lead a life of Grime
He raps about crime
He's from a small south Wales favela.
Not Brazil, or the Caribbean
Duw, man that would be insane
He was brought up in Caerleon
A town with ”car” in the name name.
But if a Welsh lad wins
You wouldn’t see me hug him
I’d clip him round the ear
Like I was his frikkin’ mother
Then I’d thump him hard
Even if he was my brother
I’m from South Wales see
I’m a fighter not a lover.
I can’t explain why he’s so quick
He’s fat not athletic, but
His speed is clearly unsurpassed
Perhaps it is genetic?
His dad drove a white van
Not quite a genius and
His mam is a musician yes
His mother is a pianist.
He hasn’t got a racing licence
Or a road one either
But bloody heck he’s quick butt
He’s drives for Arriva.
Time flies by when you’re a driver of a train but
Put a Butt n the pit-lane
He’ll be quick in the rain
Alright I heard you the 1st time innit?
You knows it.
It’s true innit.
Mind you it's a bit wet to go out in Newport
I know, shall we stay in?
You don't wanna go out there on a winter’s night like this
What d’you mean night?
Its two o’clock in the afternoon
And it’s June.
Written, performed & produced by Gareth Jones
Backing track Simple Rap Beat by The Aoidey
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