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Sarah, gareth Zog , Richard

Happy Festivus

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published: 13 December 2018

duration: 01:31:55

Presented by: Gareth Jones, Sarah Leach, Richard Porter & Zog

#356 Festive Special. Car-based gifts with Virtual Secret Santa, a party game of Mr and Mr and Mr. The On Speed Doctor Who Christmas Special, can The Doctor save the F1 timeline? Plus new seasonal music as Elvin Costello sings about Elon Musk.

Elvin Costello

Elvin Costello & the Distractions - Elon Musk At Christmas

There was a time when you were hot stuff
People loved your crazy ideas   
They couldn’t get enough
They just couldn’t get enough
Flame throwers, self-driving cars
    People traveling in Hyperloops™
Even rockets to Mars
Even rockets to Mars.

But now
All I know is this much
     It must be hard for you to be yourself at Christmas
  It must be hard to be Elon Musk at Christmas.

You’re undermining the USA
By drilling tunnels beneath LA
You designed a rescue torpedo
You called a diver a "paedo"
You’re making cars run on electricity
Mobilising with green energy
But money doesn’t grow on trees
We’ll never get our Model Threes.

But now
I think your time has passed
It must be hard for you to be yourself at Christmas
It must be hard to be Elon Musk at Christmas.

It’s hard when reality bites
Faltering, production schedules
Sleepless nights
So many sleepless nights.
You don’t believe the things people ask
"How come Grimes is your girlfriend?"
"Why did you get stoned on that podcast?"
You shouldn’t have got stoned on that podcast.

Yes now,
You look like a jack-ass.
It must be hard for you to be yourself at Christmas.
Oh it’s hard to be Elon Musk at Christmas.

Everybody wants
You to stand down
Now you’re an embarrassment
A giga-clown
You know what you gotta to do
  You have to re-charge
C’mon kick back for Christmas
And let another hapless Tesla twat take charge.

So for now
Just sit on your ass and smoke some good grass
Just sit back relax and enjoy yourself at Christmas
(You’re a billionaire).
It must be good to be Elon Musk at Christmas
(A multi-billionaire)
Yeah, it’s awfully good to be Elon Musk at Christmas.


Written, performed & produced by Gareth Jones

"Nieve organ" & forensic Costello production advice by Steve Allan Jones


Mr & Mr & Mr

Other songs in this episode include:

"Mr & Mr & Mr Theme" by Steve Allan Jones

"All I Want For Christmas Is Some Speed (Sniff Mix)" by Richard Porter

"Ar Hyd Y Nos" by Gareth Jones

"Gareth's Monks Choir" by Gareth Jones

"Auld Lang Syne In Sputnik Voice" by Violet Berlin

"Beastley Boys - No Sleep 'Till Bahrain Backing Track (Remix)" by Gareth Jones

Additional background loops and sound effects provided by

Doctor Who Saves F1 For Christmas

Dr Who Saves F1 For Christmas written by Richard Porter & based on a ridiculous idea by Gareth Jones

"Dr Who Theme Tribute" by Zog

Scrotum's 1976 Eurovision entry "Bing Bang Bong" by Gareth Jones


See you all for season, sorry, series 15 of Gareth Jones On Speed in 2019


© Gareth Jones 2005-2018